Selfishness Is Good For You

One of the worst nights out I ever had started off at a drag show. 💃
 
(Nothing to do with the drag show)
 
If anything that was the best part of the night.
 
It was the friend I went out with.
 
Me and this friend had a very toxic friendship.
 
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You know those ones where you’re too quiet and scared to speak up so you just get dragged along with whatever the other person wants?
 
Yeah
 
That was me.
 
I very quickly started to feel like the sidekick to a very loud, outgoing, charismatic person I wish I could be more like. 
 
On this night out we visited nearly every bar in town.
 
From drag show, to gay bar, irish pub, sweaty uni club, and much more.
 
Then at around 2am we’d both decided we’d had enough, and for some unforseen reason ubers were £50 to get home.
 
Crazy expensive for a Friday night, but demand must’ve been high.
 
My friend had the idea that since they paid for the £12 Uber to get us into town, I should pay for the £50 one to get us back.
 
Right then, I knew I’d had enough.
 
For years in the friendships I’d kept the peace and refused to speak up.
 
For years I didn’t want to offend them and risk looking rude.
 
For years I’d paid the price for putting their happiness before mine.
 
And I snapped.
 
The rest of the night was a blur. 
 
All I know is I shouted something of the lines of ‘you’ve got to be f*cking joking’ and ‘find your own way home’ and stormed off.
 
And that was the last time we ever spoke.
 
I retold this story last night, on The Cozy Corner (my private membership for ambitious women) and it brought back so many memories.
 
Memories of always saying yes.
Memories of being too scared to speak up.
Memories of being terrified and wondering if I’ll ever find my voice.
 
Here are some of the highlights from my Masterclass last night titled: Being Selfish Will Change Your Life.
 
1. Redefining Selfishness
 
  • The word ‘selfish’ can make someone sound like a villain
  • It's easy to see why we want to run away from it.
  • But in actual fact it’s about self-respect.
  • Selfish = maximising your own needs
  • Selfless = minimising your own needs
  • There’s a healthy intersection between the two
  • This is where we want to be.
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2. Setting Boundaries is Self Care
 
  • Setting boundaries is scary !!!1!
  • But it’s better than a face mask and a bubble bath if you’re a chronic people pleaser
  • True self care is putting your emotions and healing first
  • When you keep saying yes, they only meet the fake version of you.
  • When you say no they meet the real you.
 
3. Guilt Means Growth
 
  • I know it’s the feeling of guilt that makes it really tough to put your foot down
  • Knowing your disappointing them or letting them down
  • But guilt is the body’s first response to breaking an old pattern.
  • The first no feels heavy, the second lighter, by the tenth, it feels natural.
  • Don’t confuse guilt with wrongdoing.
 
It was awesome to see just how this masterclass was, and if this resonated and you’d like to join The Cozy Corner, stay tuned, because I’m in the middle of rebranding and revamping the community to give members the best experience possible.
 
 
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Over the next few months, The Cozy Corner will be temporarily closed whilst I work - behind the scenes - to craft an experience that takes members from insecure to confident, and shy to unstoppable. 🚀
 
This is the place to be if you want to be a content creator, build a platform of 1,000s of followers and learn how to build a true community of like minded people online ❤️
 
Shoutout to my awesome founding members who have been a part of this! You guys have taught me so much, and it’s been awesome getting to know you.
 
If you’d like to be a future member, join the waitlist here.
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